I grew up in a family without many solid marriage relationships. I didn’t have many opportunities to see healthy relationships at work. I had no idea how much this lack of healthy examples affected me until I chose to direct all my emotional energy into my relationship with God. The more God showed me who I am and who He is, the more I realised that I had quite a warped view of the way relationship was intended to work.
At first, my motivation for pursuing singleness came from a desire to want God more than anyone else. I had just been dumped by a guy (who days earlier had said he wanted to marry me) and the pain that I felt in response to his rejection caused me to evaluate how I viewed my identity and God’s love. I realised that I wanted my relationship with God to be the most important relationship in my life, so I chose to be single for one year. That season extended to three years because one year didn’t seem long enough to grasp the wonders of intimate relationship with God, unhindered by the distractions of a romantic relationship.
I chose to passionately chase intimacy with God.
In January 2013, I moved to Cheb in Czech Republic for my DTS. During that time, I was determined to commit myself to cultivating my relationship with God. And grow it did. In November of that same year, I felt God ask me to commit to an open-ended season of singleness; I would remain single until He said otherwise. Rather than a command to obey or a punishment, God was inviting me into a new adventure. Since then, my relationship with Him, as well as my understanding of love in general, has undergone much refining.
He has taught me about love and honour in relationships, healthy ways to resolve conflict, and about communication. He showed me the joy of relationship with Him and how much He pursues me.
As God pursued me, and I Him, I realised how valuable and beloved I am to Him.
I also gained an understanding of what is most important to me in my life and relationships.
I am still single and happily so, but the posture of my heart has transitioned from ‘intentional single’ to ‘just single’. I’m not actively looking, and I won’t be disappointed if I never find anyone to express an interest in me. God has transformed me through this season, and I feel He is commissioning me into a time of softening my heart towards being in a relationship.
Over the last decade, I have pushed myself to understand the purpose of relationships as a Christian and to develop my character as I depended fully on God. As I’ve grown closer to Him, I feel empowered to find love and identity in God, rather than in my earthly relationships.
I have loved every moment of this journey with God. As the page turns on a new chapter, I look forward to exploring whatever it holds, hand in hand with my Heavenly Father.
By Nicole Kerr
YWAM Newcastle Staff