Life in between is a term I like to use for my time spent here at home, waiting for my next whirlwind adventure with Jesus. It’s the calm before the storm that is my life in Youth With A Mission.
Since coming home I have really struggled to keep up with quiet times and time with God.
Before I came on DTS I had read my Bible maybe twice on my own time, in my whole life.
As I grew on DTS I realized the importance of quiet times to stay sane and how much it changes your heart just to read a little bit of this book every day. But as I came home I easily fell back into the habit of letting my Bible sit on my bedside collecting dust, only to be taken out for a spin on Sundays.
I’m sitting in this cafe reading for the first time in weeks and it’s just as great as ever before. I’m just thinking to myself, why don’t I do this all the time? It’s such a scary freedom we have in God’s grace. We can just walk away and come back as we please and His love doesn’t go away, He will stay the same, but we miss out. We miss out on the things He wants to show us in a specific time in our lives. We miss out on all the ‘extra’ God has in store for us.
I don’t wanna miss out on all He has for me
just cause I couldn’t dig deep and find some self discipline. At this point I’m asking myself: Do I just want to do what’s easy and get by or do I want put in the work that’s hard and see amazing changes in my life? Do I just want to get by until I’m back in a structured Christian community to dive deep into what God has for me or do I want to create a structure within myself so that it doesn’t matter what community I’m in, my faith will stay the same?
When you live in a Christian community like YWAM, there is a potential for it to be really influential in your hunger for God. For me, I was so immersed in this community of people running full throttle towards God, that I couldn’t help but be compelled to run with them. God does radical things in spirit packed communities like this, and you can’t ignore them or help but be in awe of God’s power. Everyday someone could get an unexpected sum of money that seems to come from thin air at a perfect time, or someone could be completely healed of a lifelong allergy when them and a couple friends asked God to heal them.
Miracles seem to be happening everyday in these communities,
but does that mean they’re not happening everyday in the rest of the world?
I came home and began to feel really discouraged. It was a rough transition for sure and honestly I’m still transitioning. It was really hard to go from this community where miracles not only happened, but people called them out and praised God for them. What I’m beginning to see is the miracles don’t stop wherever you go, God is always doing gnarly things. What changes is that people are less like to acknowledge the little miracles and things in places where that’s not really encouraged. So really I’ve just had to learn to look a little harder for myself and call them out when I do see them. And when you draw attention to it other people start to see it too.
There have been times where I’ve really questioned what I am actually accomplishing being here at home. I’m here for an awkward amount of time so I have no job and no school which can make me feel like I’m really just wasting time. I love going and doing things. I don’t like being still. So when God says,
“Jess I need you go home for a bit and just be still.”
I’m just like ewwww whyyyyyyy.
But as the weeks have passed, I’ve got to spend really great quality time with friends and family. I’ve noticed that the little conversations driving down the highway about hearing God’s voice, and God’s grace, and how the bible wrecked my heart, and how God took a broken girl and made something beautiful, are all building something in the heart of my best friend. And the late night laughter, and singing Adele songs in weird voices, and going to coffee shops so she can focus and study for her first finals, are building a bond with my baby sister who’s growing up way too fast for me to keep up with. And sitting around on the couch binge watching series’s on Netflix, and watching Kurt Cobain conspiracy documentaries ‘in an ironic way’ with my dad and brother is creating memories I will always cherish and look back on when I’m away. And driving around running errands with my mom sharing stories of missions work she did long ago and being able to relate to that with my stories from the last six months, fills her heart with joy to see her baby girl chasing after something so close to her heart. So I always kind of thought that going and doing was the way to change lives and grow as a person.
But God is showing me that whether you are solving world hunger or going for coffee with a friend,
if God has called you to this place in this time you can make just as much a difference and you will see just as much a difference in your self.
So this is life in between. This is learning to be disciplined so my faith will be unwavering no matter where I am or who I’m with. This is being the one to look for God in the seemingly unexpected places and calling it out so He can get the glory. This is breaking down the misconception that being still means not growing and not changing lives.
So really this isn’t actually life in between, it’s just life.
By Jessica Cox
Check out more posts by Jess on her blog