We serve a God who put desires into our hearts for a reason.
From a young age, I wasn’t taught about the desires that God puts into my life, but rather the callings He gives us.
I never realized the desires of my heart may also be the direction that God is calling me in.
Since my first day of lectures at YWAM God has been speaking to me in ways I never expected, let alone about things I was never sure He would tell me.
I had a vision of a large piece of paper similar to the blueprints an architect uses when creating plans for a new building.
Images began to appear on the paper and when they were fully revealed, the images began to move and live as I looked at them. God was showing me a blueprint of His plan for my life after my Discipleship Training School. He kindly and gently told me about how He is to be the foundation of this structure. The plans He has for me were being revealed one at a time and I realized that these are the things I have a passion and desire for.
“May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” Psalm 20:4
God has placed these hopes and desires in my life for a reason! From the time He told me what career He was calling me into, to the confirmation of relationships that I hoped to pursue, He had been slowly and carefully placing these things in my life for my enjoyment and so I may be of benefit to His Kingdom.
I am now at a crossroad as I see this blueprint of living, breathing promises. He is placing these promises into my hands, but I need to hold them open. If I close my hands and hold on tightly, I will not be able to receive what He has for me beyond the present. However, if I leave my hands open, I find fear creeps in and I worry that my dreams will be taken away from me.
If God is so powerful that He can promise me the impossible, then with that same power can’t He also tear it away?
Can I trust God to protect my heart while I wait to receive the things He has promised?
I have nothing to give Him but myself. My heart is all I have and it does not belong to me because He has given me all of Himself already and now He is wanting to give me more. I cannot return the favor.
In Genesis 15, God told Abram to lay out sacrifices in two rows, leaving a path between them. Traditionally, if two parties made a covenant like this, they would then lay the sacrifices out and one of the parties would walk between them, essentially saying, “If I do not hold up my end of this covenant then this is what may become of me.” The covenant is the highest of promises one can give to another, so when Abram laid out the sacrifice and was ready to walk through, God said, “Stop, let me.” He put Abram into a deep sleep and then the God of Heaven Himself, walked through the pieces, declaring that if Abram or anyone of his descendants broke the covenant, then it would be the Lord to lay down His life and pay the price.
God is a good father. He does not get His child excited by promising something He won’t deliver.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11
He is trustworthy, even when we have messed up on or feel like we have no more to give, He continues to bless us in mighty ways. He does not give like we do in this world. His promises and gifts don’t need a favor in return. His gifts are given to us completely selflessly and He does not expect anything in return.
His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts, plans and love are beyond what we could ever fathom.
So, I am in this time of waiting and it is my trust in His promises that is being tested. Will I continue to trust that He will hold up on His end of this covenant? I know in the depths of my heart that this God I serve wants to bless me as His child. He wants to get me excited about things and show me just how good He is. I know that He will follow through with what He has spoken. And so, I wait.
He does not give us hope for good things just to take it away.
by Bailey Sculley
YWAM Trailblazers DTS student